Frankness & Vulnerability & 27 Candles

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I can't believe 30 is just around the corner. Oh my, 27. I think turning 25 was the most difficult for me because I was still single & didn't feel like I had accomplished much in my life. I always wanted to get married right after high school & have lots of babies. I think if God had told me that I wouldn't meet my husband until I was 25...well, I wouldn't have been happy. I would have begged. I would have pleaded! "Please Lord, can't you just give me what I want??!" But it did make the beginning of my twenties very entertaining.

"Is this THE ONE?"

"This guy?"

"That guy?"

Oh, don't get me wrong. I don't want to give you the impression that I dated a lot. I just have an overactive imagination. : )

While I was in the trenches of singledom it was agonizing. Okay, maybe not always agonizing. Weddings were difficult. Friday nights were difficult. Baby showers were difficult. Weddings are especially daunting when it's reception time. When my friend's Nick & Lindsey got married it was unfortunate that I only knew the wedding party. I didn't have a date either. After the wedding I hung out with the wedding party while they took some pictures & by the time I got to the reception everyone was seated & there did not appear to be an open spot in the room. After I waltzed nervously around the room hoping for an open spot or for someone to extend their hand I heard an ominous voice, "Introducing the bride & groom..." Oh crap, I'm standing in the middle of the room, all eyes are on me & I continue to sweat profusely & have a miniature panic attack inside. I scurried to the back of the room and stood alone feeling oh-so pathetic. The wedding party was announced and finally I heard the most melodic sound of, "You can sit over here, with us." So, you see, when you're single weddings can be painful and not just for the typical "I wish I was the one getting married" reason.

Anyways, I totally deviated from my point. What I wanted to say was that when I look back at my early twenties at that girl who always fretted about being single - about the future - I would have told her, "It's okay, enjoy the moment because life goes by fast & when you look back at this time you are going to remember it with fondness." I remember the good times a lot more than the bad. One of the best years of my life was when I lived in LA with 6 other girls in a small condo. For the most part, we were all good friends & we had so many good times together. I love this time in my life as a wife and mother but I wish I would have smelled the roses during that period instead of constantly worrying about when I was going to get married, why I didn't have a boyfriend, etc. I love motherhood. I love walking into my son's room & as soon as he hears me he pops his head up & smiles that big toothy grin as if to say, "Hi mom! I missed you!" I don't care how tired I am that is like a shot of espresso. But if I could be candid for a moment...I wish I would have known how lonely it can be. But then again, someday I will look back at this time & say, "Wasn't it wonderful? I wish I could have it back again!" I probably won't remember the loneliness. As cheesy as it may sound I think it will be my son's smile that will summarize this time for me. He has the best smile.

So, anyways, I'm not fretting about getting older (although, ask me again when I turn the big 3-0). I have a husband who loves me & a child who has a mischievous sense of humor & a sweet spirit. I may have a few gray hairs & a couple *cough* extra pounds but I'd say that ain't bad.
27, here I come!