My Sammy

It is common for Sammy to crawl around with a toy in his mouth. I think he figured it was too difficult to try and crawl with it in his hand.

My New Hobby

Let's see...got a lot to talk about but don't know where to begin.

Well, today I drove out to Napa to see my longtime friend Meghan and her new baby boy, Mattias. It was quite the drive but I brought along some sermons on cd to help. I listened to a John Macarthur sermon about sanctification and it made me nostalgic for those Master's College days. Those were some good times and I learned so much during my two years at TMC. I miss going to chapel during the week and listening to great preachers. I wish I would have really tried to learn the material in my bible classes. Sometimes I treated those classes just like my regular classes and memorized it just for the tests. Hopefully some of it stuck with me. Anyways, back to Meghan. She also has a 3-year-old daughter and Serene is such a chatterbox and so much fun. I cannot wait until Sam is that age.

I am so addicted to the Food Network Channel. I seriously DVR a lot of shows and will fast forward to the stuff I'm interested in. I have really developed a love for cooking and baking. I use to think that cooking anything extravagant would be beyond me (somehow I would mess it up) but after watching these shows I feel a sense of confidence. What would make this new hobby of mine especially wonderful is if I was not on a diet. Oh well, at least I will have a fat and happy husband! : ) (J/K Travis eats what he wants without worry -- grrrrrrrrrrrrr). With all this cooking going on I have now decided that I want a little herb garden. I did a little research and it seems like it will be fairly inexpensive. We don't have much of a backyard so I'm afraid a herb garden is as crazy as I will go for now. Someday, when we move I want to make sure I have a little area for a garden.

I think there was something else I was going to write about but I'm tired and need to get some sleep. I know you all want me to shush and just post some new pics of Sam and I will try to soon!

Wallow-Wallow-Wallow

Sometimes I really cannot believe myself. Instead of delighting in one of God's greatest gifts to me (my Samuel Allen) I grumble to him, "Why Lord have you not blessed me with another child??!" I really thought that because Samuel came so easily that surely I would have like 10 kids before I'm 30! And then the fear creeps in and takes hold, "Maybe this is it! Maybe my dreams of having a big family are never going to happen!" And I know that Satan is delighting in all the grumbling I do inside. He wants me to be fearful and worried. He wants me to not trust God. He wants me to start to believe that God is punishing me. This is my struggle (okay, one of many). When I want something badly I have a hard time waiting and I get scared I will never get it. I have always dreamed of having a big family and to not have that come to fruition would be heartbreaking.

This is so out of my control and all I want is to feel abundantly blessed and thankful everyday for my Samuel Allen that I don't have reason to complain about not having another one. I do feel so blessed. I love my Sam so much and he is part of the reason why I want another child right now. He is such an amazing child and every day I have with him is a gift from God. And then I feel bad for even mentioning that I am worried about not having another child when there are people out there who cannot even conceive one child.

What it all boils down to is not being content with what I have and not trusting in God's plan for my life (that he knows what is best for me including how many kids He gives us).

But how do I not wallow in sadness if I never get to have another child? I'm okay right now because it has only been 8 months but how will I feel a year from now? Will I lose all hope? Will I feel depressed inside? Will I allow Satan to steal my joy?

There I go again, thinking about the future and all the "what if's..." instead of taking today as it is.

Reality Check

I must be crazy or just completely frustrated with this baby weight I can't seem to shake (wouldn't that be nice if I could just shake it off like a dog shaking off excess water...hmmm....let me think about that one for a moment and dream...) because I have started another blog dedicated to losing this baby weight. I am ashamed to admit that my child is almost 10 months old and I am still carrying around too much weight! If I were a bear I would be all ready for winter! ; )

Nothing helps me to lose weight more than having accountability. It's so easy to become complacent since I am home so much and don't often see the world. I often mistakingly think, "I feel great (in my sweats)" until I put on my jeans and then reality hits me. My wonderful husband somehow, buy God's grace, finds me attractive and is glad he does not have a high maintenance woman. Anyways, I started the additional blog to track my progress and to hopefully stay motivated. I know if I have sets of eyes looking over my shoulder I will surely succeed in this endeavor!

So, here is my additional blog and I hope it encourages you as well...

http://gettinmyprebabybodyback.blogspot.com/

MIA

I know, I've been totally MIA. I do have a good excuse because I was sick almost all of last week with a fever and the week before that I was taking care of Sam while he had a fever (that's what I get for giving him kisses while he was sick! : ) )

Maybe this week I can continue on toward my quest to have a clean and organized office. I sorta started this project last week by just gathering all the loose papers and stacking them in a "to be filed" pile.

Do you ever feel like all your doing when you're cleaning is just rotating stuff around the house? Maybe that's my problem...

But I do now have a more exciting way to get the clean clothes put away. Once the clean clothes are "neatly" folded in the laundry basket I plop Sammy in too and take him for a little spin down the hallway to their proper location. He loves it.

Tackle It Tuesday...errr...Friday!

I actually made a goal and accomplished it last week. Hooray for me because I am a notorious goal setter and breaker. Last week I made the goal of finishing the guest bathroom and I actually did it!! I meant to re post a new goal this last Tuesday but with the craziness of life and a sick baby my schedule got out of whack. In fact, I have a whole calendar of chores I am supposed to do on designated days and now I'm trying to remember the last time I followed the calendar.

Okay, so now I need to come up with a project to tackle by next Tuesday and it's glaringly obvious what it should be because our messy, chaotic office (where I am sitting right now) is yelling at me to clean and organize it! So, that's my "Tackle it Tuesday" project for the rest of the week.

Take Joy in Present Circumstances!

I think God is continually trying to teach me the art of contentment. Well, there are actually many things He's teaching me because there's so much I need to learn but it seems like most lessons are centered around contentment. For example, I wanted to be married right out of high school but it didn't happen until I was 25. That felt like a long time of "waiting". Now that I look back I can appreciate all that I experienced as a single gal. I got to live in San Luis Obispo for a year, occupy my own apartment for a year, experience dorm life, live in a small condo with 6 other girls (despite the close quarters those were fun times), go to a private Christian college (The Master's College) and live in Southern California (Valencia, to be exact). During that time I was struggling with fully appreciating it because I just wanted to be married with children. I love being married with a baby but it does have its struggles and I can see the beauty in that time of singleness. I can rejoice that I didn't get married at 19 and got to experience all that I did. And now I'm waiting for my husband to get through school. I'm trying to find contentment in this small, old house and make the best of it. Sometimes when I dwell on 4 more years of really struggling finacially while he goes through PA/Nursing school it really overwhelms me. So, I try not to think about it. Of course, I could always get a decent job with my college degree but then childcare would be raising my baby and that's the last thing I desire (I am actually starting a part time job soon but we have it worked out so that mostly Travis is with Sam)! So, it is a trade off. We struggle financially but our son gets to reap the benefit of having mommy at home. And now, we would LOVE to have a second child but it just hasn't happened yet. If I dwell on it those fearful thoughts begin, like "What if I can't have another child?!" or "When's it gonna happen??" or "What's wrong with me?!" I'm the person who has all my kid's names picked out (Samuel, Ethan, Emma Jean and Grace in case you were all wondering : ) ) and their age differences. I wanted to get pregnant a few months after Sam was born and it just hasn't happened. I have struggled with contentment and fear. But here is the funny thing about al this madness, I will probably look back on this one day and miss this old house, miss just having one baby and miss all these times that I am currently frustrated about! It really makes no sense because if this is the life God has willed for me to have then I should be content with it. I'll probably look back on these times with fondness! Sometimes, I just don't make sense because I know better but I dwell on fears and frustrations anyways! Satan is always looking for ways to steal my joy in the present! What I really need to do is adopt a heart of thankfulness.

The definition of Christian contentment according to Jeremiah Burroughs, author of "The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment":
' Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God's wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.'

'For I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be content' -- Philippians 4:11
"I can do all things in him who strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:13